I had great intentions and thoughts behind my Facebook absence. It's been 5 days and I've had plenty to think about toward the social media giant. I thought it was a wise decision and certainly have seen some benefits from it, but I've also seen some downsides to it as well. I want to use this post as a way to discuss both.
First, let's start with the positives.
1. I was able to be more focused with my family. My wife mentioned several times over the last 5 days that it was nice not having me tinkering with my phone while we were eating at the table, or while she was trying to talk to me, etc... I realized that it had become more of a hindrance to me, but through taking some time away I realized the importance of limiting social media while at home.
2. I got more done without it. I know that not everyone understands, but I was really spending too much time posting and browsing on it than I was doing other important things. I finished up two books the last week, did some writing for my book and actually cleaned my office at the church. The absence of Facebook allowed me to work without the temptation to stay plugged in. It really was freeing, and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. No one forced me to sign in, except the guy from the Sudan who hacked my account last week. But he's been taken care of.
3. It's instigated much needed conversation. My absence has stirred up some conversations with people that were both helpful to me and to them. Some realized how much they were addicted to it, and others pointed out the flaws in my thinking. Both crowds helped me realize the importance of taking something like Facebook and every now and then having a roundtable discussion about it. Parents weren't aware their children were on Facebook because they themselves don't have an account, but were informed by their child that I had deleted mine. Oops! But this is a plus because it's forced some parents to become more involved with their teens which is a great thing! I had others that vehemently opposed me deleting it. Many were youth pastors that honestly poked a ton of holes in my logic. It wasn't pretty but I'm glad they had the courage to call me out on my stupidity. Instead of throwing it out all together they helped me see how to change the way I was using it. I'll go into great detail about this in my negatives list.
4. It reinforced that I am not as important as I think I am. While I had a few people text me everyday telling me that they missed my tiny presence, most don't care and just moved on. This is more of a confession than a revelation. God constantly uses things like this to humble me, and while it's not a big deal to most, it is to me. There are great benefits to Facebook, but most of us are delusional to our importance in that sea of billions of people. I am thankful for the reminder.
5. The Internet is not a replacement for flesh and blood relationships. This weekend was chalk full of opportunities for me to invest in peoples lives and this was refreshing. Sitting at home chatting with people on computers does not trigger the same depth of relationship as spending time with those people in person. It's a "duh" comment, but it's true and more of us need to realize this!
And now the negatives:
1. Facebook is the main source of connecting. As my youth pastor friends put it, "You've just abandoned yourself to a deserted island." While my intentions were noble, my thinking was flawed. I was having problems with my time on the site, with many of the things I was reading or seeing, and decided that it was best to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Through my conversations I realized my thinking was flawed, and honestly I noticed it as well. Normally, I would communicate with youth and parents via Facebook, but this weekend I tried via email and texting which failed. They either didn't check their email or text messages until after the event. Huge fail. I tried calling as well, but many asked why I didn't send a message via Facebook...uh, because I deactivated my account. Whether I want to admit it or not, Facebook (with all its flaws) is here to stay and many are using it as the one stop connection source. And its true. While thinking about my personal problems I was blinded to the problems that would exist outside of Facebook. While I thought being an internet monk was the right call, in reality, it was destroying my networking, which is vital.
2. My blog traffic died. I don't normally have a huge readership, but my traffic died since I stopped linking via Facebook. I normally get roughly 50-100 hits a day, but it has been down to 10-20 hits. I enjoy interacting via my blog and it does provide a small source of additional income. With the traffic hitting a lull this weekend I realized my blog had become a victim. As my friends told me this morning, what better way to advertise for free than using the billion users via Facebook? It is true. My purpose isn't to promote Chris, but to share my love of Christianity, movies, books, etc. via my blog. And Facebook is a major source of readership. Both guys told me they hadn't visited my blog since my Facebook account had disappeared. It's easier for them to click a link than to type an address. It makes sense. I just wasn't thinking about it from that vantage point.
3. Killing the account isn't the answer. I have to change the way I use it. I shared with my friends that one of the most frustrating things about Facebook was reading all the junk on there. While switching to Timeline I did hide posts from certain friends because I was tired of reading through their soap opera lives. What I hadn't done was following through with my students in youth group. Many of them were posting risky pictures or writing status updates that were embarrassing for me as their youth pastor and honestly as friends of their parents. I wrote to a few of them to tone it down but my online accountability had failed and it was disheartening watching them live a life contrary to their Christian faith. As one friend commented, "You don't have to subscribe to their statuses, but you can stay in touch with them via Facebook." I felt some type of loyalty to them that was misguided and honestly one of those short comings of being a pastor. I thought I had to be there for my students.
But taking the account offline was punishing those I enjoyed reading and communicating with on a constant basis. It was getting rid of everyone due to the problems of a few. And honestly I was thinking only of me and not of those that benefit from our true friendship via Facebook.
Jon Acuff wrote this post this afternoon and it speaks to what I'm trying to communicate through all of this, but he does it much better! And if you want to experience all the perspectives on this, just browse the comments section of Jon's post.
Just like I hate reading all the junk people were posting, I realized that many don't like all the junk that I post. I have to be more simplistic in posting. More about pointing to things that are life giving instead of telling you all about my boring life. More links to worthwhile reads or videos that are inspiring or sharing my own writings or thoughts via my blog. It has to be more intentional than all inclusive. My youth pastor buddies also discouraged constantly preaching via Facebook as well.
I have many friends that are not believers but do know my beliefs and stance as a Christian. I have had in depth conversations with them about my faith and they have debated and conversed with me. A sarcastic comment or condemning quote via Facebook isn't going to bring them to Jesus. I try not to constantly push my faith on these friends, but after looking back over my Facebook page at times I have been. I was reminded yesterday at our Super Sunday events at church that people just want people that are real. I was able to have conversations with people about football at church and we connected. This led to conversations about Jesus and then they stayed and enjoyed our worship service. Nothing pushy or pretentious, but me being who I am as a youth pastor and loving on people. I enjoy life and many things that people outside of the Christian faith do. This is our connecting point and whether they agree with me or not is between them and God, but it doesn't diminish our relationship or compromise my beliefs. They all know I am a youth pastor and so they don't need the constant reminders of that.
4. Social Media is only getting stronger. You can't minister among people if you are alone all the time. I know that social media is going to be a mainstay for the foreseeable future and by casting myself from it just doesn't make any common sense. I can be in but not of the Facebook world. I can set parameters that limit my time on or who I am reading or the stuff that I am posting. That is all within my control. But to walk away from opportunities to be with people where they are at isn't gonna benefit me at all. It's too small minded and I was pretending that I was too important to be a part of it all. Taking a stand against it isn't going to change anyone's mind and by me deactivating the account I was misleading myself to think otherwise.
You see, my problem lies within me and I was blaming Facebook. I used that article that Kevin Wilson wrote about me as the perfect excuse to walk away. What Kevin wrote is still the truth and that original blog I wrote that he used as the meat of the article is still the truth, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. I still believe that my family and work come first. I still believe that I have allowed Facebook to rob me of more important things, but after all is said and done, the problem is me and not Facebook. Deleting my Facebook account isn't going to fix the problem. Twitter or Pinterest or any other social media format can replace it and I'll still have the same problem. So, I'm not blaming Facebook anymore. I'll change the way it is being used and what I am posting will be more general than personal. I see it as a great place to promote and pass on stuff that makes you smile or challenges you to think differently about something, and possibly could stoke a great conversation that will help me see things more clearly.
5. I missed it tremendously. I missed being a part of it all. While there were many positive things that will come from it, the honest truth is that I didn't like being the outsider as much as I thought I would. I enjoy the stories, the pictures, the comments and messages that build the community that makes Facebook worthwhile.
The bottom line is that I was wrong in ranting against Facebook and walking away. It's foolish. And so I'm back. But in a smaller way. I won't be online as much and there won't be as much posting from my end. And truthfully, many of you will be unsubscribed in my feeder. It's just how it has to be.
