Stuck in a Rut

I'm in one of those odd times of life where I am stuck in a rut and don't know why. The picture above describes where I am right now and honestly I would just keep sitting there because I have no energy or desire to crawl out at this time.

In years past I would have waited this thing out by myself. I might have mentioned it to my wife if she hadn't already figured it out (which she normally does), but other than that I have always just battled through it myself. Eventually, I would finally get tired of sitting there in despair and force myself out, but this time has been different. I haven't wanted to get out. I'm content just to stay here in this place that is void of joy, and this helped me realize that I needed to to others to help carry this burden with me.

So, this past Sunday I went to a few guys in our church and asked them to carry this burden with me and I asked them for prayer. I normally don't do this as I am a pretty private guy, but I needed someone else to know what I was experiencing so they could drop down the rope if necessary or even climb down into the rut with me and carry me out if necessary. All I know is that I can't do it alone and so I asked them to carry their Christian brother on their shoulders for a while until I can get over this period.

All of them were very encouraging and willing to help in this instance and that has already been a huge blessing as I know that I am no longer going at it alone. This also takes the pressure off of my wife to be the lone burden bearer as she commonly has been in the past.

It's not a major problem, in fact it really isn't a problem as much as it is restlessness over some things in my heart and I just needed to talk to someone about them. I unloaded on these brothers and they are keeping it in confidence and know they have full rights to come and talk to me about it anytime they want.

Galatians 6:2 tells us to bear one another's burdens and so I have asked them to help me bear mine.

As a pastor I sometimes feel the need to put on my superman cape and pretend all is right in my world when in fact, inside myself, the walls are bearing down and I feel them closing in. 

And I tell myself, no one needs to know. You're a pastor, people need YOU to be the strong one and you can't show weakness or weariness. You can't show that you are battling the darkness of depression or have given into a sin. You can't let anyone know that you are having a bad day because PASTORS can't do that. You are supposed to be above that as the SUPER CHRISTIAN.

But I'm not able to carry on the masquerade. So I climb down into the rut so no one can see me and wallow in my problems. 

Most people don't notice because I am good at lying about it, or in the least, just not showing that anything is wrong.

This mindset is unhealthy and dangerous. We need to talk to others during these times. We need spouses that will listen. We need friends that will listen. We need other pastors that will listen. And we need some of those to carry our burdens when we can't any longer.

These friends are doing this for me now and it is much easier sharing the burdens than carrying all the weight myself.

I know I will get through this faster than usual because I can already feel the load lightening up. And I know they will walk with me through to the end, until I can stand on my own and the joy returns.

Don't try to be superman and solve all of your problems yourself. You can't. Find a group of people you can trust and rely on and confide and confess to them. Let them carry your burdens with you and encourage you along the way, lowering the rope into the rut and either pulling you up or carrying you up. It is one of the many blessings of having a Christian family in a local church.